What I Miss Most About My Pre-Mom Life

By: Kristina Dapaah

When people ask me for advice before having a baby I always suggest a support system. This isn’t achievable for everyone and life doesn’t deal every mom the same hand, but those who can plan for help will transition a little easier! Motherhood can seem like a walk in the jungle at times and ­­having people to lean on has been crucial to my mental health and overall wellbeing.

 

Another question I‘ve received is “What do you miss most about your pre mom days?” I think that’s a fantastic question and one every mom should spend some time with. When I began to explore this question it helped me to fondly reminisce on the woman I was and fully accept and embrace the woman I am today. These two versions of myself are far from similar. I love and accept both because they are unique to different seasons of my life and my answer to the question is always the same. I wish I could go back to that feeling of being completely relaxed in my body. There’s this inexplicable feeling of wonder I always have for my child. I wonder are they ok? Even when I can see them. I wonder if they will invent something someday? Even though they can’t talk yet!  I can’t be the only one! This wonder tends to wander into worry and that is the place I’d like to stay clear of.

 

My pre-mom life was laced with ambition and adventure. I’ve never been one to travel much, but I’d love experiencing as many things as I could locally. I can recall restaurant hopping, watching shows at the National Arts Centre and spending countless hours in cafes working on my freelance work. I was able to work in corporate Canada and decide that wasn’t for me. It was a time of exploration that allowed me to cast a strong vision for my life. It was a time all about me and I recall the feeling of freedom in my body the most.

As a family, we prioritize bringing the children along our schedules as opposed to losing ourselves in theirs. With this, I still find myself inhibited by a love for my kids so big that I am always bound by something. It’s spiritual, it’s hormonal; perhaps it’s that thing people describe as a mother’s instinct. It looks like being on guard and ready to defend, protect and fiercely love your child 24/7. According to an article published on the website Canadian Women, 46% of moms are reaching their breaking point and are experiencing feelings of anxiety, isolation, anger, and sadness as we continue to navigate these times. The woman’s role in the home has become even more demanding with all the uncertainty of living in a global pandemic! I can relate that this feeling of restlessness I am describing has taken on a different identity fueled by global contagion!

 

I share all this to acknowledge the ever-changing nature of life. It’s beautiful to love and appreciate what was and know you wouldn’t change anything that is today. Missing the way I felt in one season is ok. I am a fierce mama bear now and my role in life has changed a little. My focus is different and I am ok with that!

Kristina Dapaah

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